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Duty Calls

I've definitely fallen into this trap many a time!

ht: Addison Road

12 Days of Christmas

Risky Business

I have a new addiction — online Risk. I started playing  on a site called Conquer Club in December. Since December 22nd I've played 44 games and risen to the rank of lieutenant. Only 31 more points and I'll be a captain!

I know...I have officially certified myself as a nerd. It's just too fun, though. In addition to the classic board, they have all kinds of maps you can play on. You can play alone or in teams of two or three. They also have something called freestyle play in which multiple opponents can play at the same time.

Anyway, I knew some of my readers might be interested in joining so I figured I'd post about it here. Let me know if you sign up. I'll help you out with your first loss!

A Healthy Level of Insanity

I thought some of these were funny:

Ways to Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks . Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write " For Smuggling Diamonds"
7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."
8. Don't use any punctuation
9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than W alk.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
13. Go T o A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.
16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"
18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

Classic Jingles

Here are some classic jingles for your listening pleasure:

Bumblebee Tuna
Connie Francis for Coke
Folgers
Tums
The Bologna Song

You can listen to more here. (ht: Zack of Addison Road)

Click on the Coke poster to see more like it.

Top 5 Bible Names

This is my list of top 5 Bible names:

1. Oholibamah: How cool is this name? Just say it out loud and it will brighten your day.
2. Zaphenath-paneah: The name given to Joseph by Pharoah. I never would have noticed it, but we have a movie version of Joseph's story and there is a scene where the Egyptians are chanting his name. It definitely has a sweet rhythm to it!
3. Dan: One of Jacob's 12 sons. I feel bad for the one kid who got a "normal" name.
4. Philologus: Not only is this a cool name, but saying it is great exercise for the tongue!
5. Shadrach, Meshach, & Abednego: These three guys get the prize for the coolest trio of names ever. They beat Crosby, Stills, & Nash hands down.

What are your favorites? (You can click here for a list of biblical names.)

Revocation of U.S. Independence

Bad news, Americans, our independence is being revoked. John Cleese has sent an open letter to the U.S. outlining the details of how things will be changing around here.

Okay, it's not really by John Cleese. It's hysterical, though! Here are my favorite parts:

The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football;  you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game, which is not played outside of America. Since only 21% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your  error is understandable.

HT goes to Aly Hawkins of Addison Road.

Landmark Ruling

Faced with the inability of two bickering attorneys to resolve even the most innocuous scheduling questions without his intervention, a Florida federal judge yesterday ordered the two to meet on the steps of the federal courthouse and resolve their latest quarrel by playing "one (1) game of 'rock, paper, scissors.' " (Read the ruling.)

This excerpt is taken from here.

Camel Podiatrist Wanted

I see some interesting things on the craigslist for Los Angeles, but I think the people looking for a camel podiatrist should get a special prize.

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